My Wife is No Saint

My Wife is No Saint

“My Heart”
Beneath the surface my heart beats full with thoughts of you
In accepting me just as I am, my life was made anew
You didn’t change me, yet I did
Because love has a special way
Of growing something greater still
Each and everyday

60343616_10213935778689266_1085663940249124864_n

Today is my 10 year wedding anniversary.

On one hand, just like any man, I wonder how my wife puts up with me? On the other hand, she puts her pants on one leg at a time just like I do.

It’s true, I’m just a man. As I coined jokingly at church, “I’m just a man, she can’t expect much.”

Come on, guys, we all know women have the hardest job in relationships.

Her ability to keep going is amazing. Her resilience rivaled only by her heart. Heck, if I get the sniffles, I’ll claim to be dying in a whimpering voice.

You know what doesn’t enter into our relationship? My disability.

If my wife got a nickel for every time someone sainted her for being with me despite my disability, she’d have a lot of nickels!

Just last week, a neighbor approached her sympathetically telling her how difficult it must be to be with me. …The neighbor approached her.

My wife doesn’t seek sympathy just like I don’t seek the latest miracle cure.

This neighbor even closed their conversation, as my wife deflected this line of logic with, “Well, if you love somebody, I guess things don’t always seem so bad.”

I might be difficult to live with some days. But, again, that’s not disability related. On the contrary, we live remarkably ordinary married couple lives.

Yet, it happens again and again, the sad nods to my wife as others pass by.
(Don’t worry. These comments and gestures mostly go over my head, literally.)

That’s if they think we are together as a couple at all. Oftentimes, people assume she’s my caretaker. 

They’re stunned to find out I was married before. Not only that, I brought my now 12 year old daughter into our relationship.

So, here we are, 10 years in.

I love my wife and she loves me. We care for each other.

Not despite my disability, regardless of it.

Here’s to many more years regardless of the bodies in which we live. 
Peace Love and Acceptance

 

My Disability is Not Your Inspiration

My Disability is Not Your Inspiration

My Identity
My chair
Beat up and battered

Like my body, broken
Yet, battery powered, it carries on
Moving me throughout my day
Allowing me life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness
My chair and me
My identity

Everyone likes a feel good story.

“An overcomer, how wonderful!”

Except, when it isn’t. 

Now, I have no problem if you find my sermons moving as you would another pastor or if you think I did something good, regardless of the body in which I live, but overcomer stories are insidious. Here’s why.

When you focus solely on achievements in light of my disability, my real life needs are overlooked. 

As disability advocate, Stella Young said,

“No amount of smiling at a flight of stairs has ever made it turn into a ramp.”

This is what happens: If I have to overcome my disability, I also suffer from my disability.

What if my disability is not the cause of my suffering? 

My body sucks sometimes, sure. Nobody likes being sick or in pain.

Do you know what would help? Access to affordable healthcare. A ramp.

Those are the things I need. We have the technology. We just gloss over the effort.

I’m not bound by my wheelchair. My wheelchair is freedom. Just like those ramps and curb cuts.

sea black and white landscape beach
Photo by Sabeel Ahammed on Pexels.com

I don’t need to be free from my disability.

I just need you to help me create a world that includes me. 

Otherwise, telling me I’m inspirational is meaningless.

In fact, people viewing me as an inspiration is killing me. 

Love Always Includes Justice. 

Wherever you are this day:

Love Accepts You, No Exceptions. 

Peace Love and Acceptance

 

 

Backlash!

Backlash!

“Fortune”
A Fortune of money is what you seek but a fortunate son is not someone like me.
A broken body, down on my luck, while you’re perched on top out of touch.
Running the business,
It’s always the same,
Making a fortune because you own the game

Heart with People

There’s always backlash.

Whenever an existing power structure feels threatened, you get backlash.

We see it in our world and, not surprisingly, we see it in the church.

It can be civil rights. It can be women. It can be the LGBTQIA+ community. Disability pride. It doesn’t matter.

In fact, it’s all of these things.

Wherever someone seeks equity and inclusion, you get backlash.

As we also often witness, you get cross sectional power players working together too. Think for a moment about how the powerful never seem to clamor for separation of church and state when they are colluding.

The power players all want to be in cahoots then.

It’s only when equity comes into play, such as when the church desired exclusion from the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA), do power players scream.

There are numerous examples here. Disability is my primary marginalizing experience but, it’s no different with regard to the other people mentioned initially.

You don’t have to go very far to notice the powerful orchestrating together.

I could name names, however, I suspect I don’t have to if you’ve read this far. They’ll even use us as tokens if we’re not careful.

Most of us won’t do this, of course, but it does happen and it only takes a couple for it to become some insulating justification for those in control. However, there is a better way forward.

When working within the existing power structure doesn’t work, and I believe that time is now, the rest of us need to build together too.

I’ve seen some of this, though, not nearly enough. In many cases, I’ve witnessed the opposite with divisions and factions.

The powerful know this and they’re happy to let it continue and even encourage it. If we minimize each other, they can continue their dominance over all of us.

We need to work across communities as allies for each other.

We need to lift up advocates in each their respective areas.

Whenever possible, we need to empower voices of those who are intersectionally marginalized. (Those who face more than one marginalizing identifier.)

I say this because I do believe you can be marginalized by one trait (as I am with my disability) while also being privileged in other ways (as I am as a white man.)

Yes, there will be times for me to speak. There will also be times for me to yield the floor.

There is time for both and too many times for all of us as it is today.

That’s the backlash to seeking equity. The truly powerful, the ones dominating our world today, will not go easily, quietly, or willingly. That’s where we are.

It’s also why it’s important for us to work together, building each other up. Because, they don’t have to tear us down if we do it for them.

Next time, I’ll look at how Jesus and his early disciples resisted the powerful in their time.

I hope you’ll check back because I believe this is an important lesson for us no matter if you believe exactly as I do or not. Solidarity.

Wherever you find yourself this day, thanks for journeying with me and remember in the world of Justice and Love, Love Accepts You No Exceptions.

Peace Love and Acceptance

 

 

 

If Your Faith Excludes You’re Wrong

If Your Faith Excludes You’re Wrong

“Love: Our Universal Truth”
If Love is our universal truth, then why is it so hard?
We keep each other far away as if to stand on guard.
But Love calls us to open up if we long to be set free.
And, in this way we share a Love that connects eternally.

Love Wins Wheelchair with Stole

I wrote these above words a few days ago because I believe Love and kindness is the key to everything. Love saves whereas hate destroys.

Yet, we live in a word so often characterized by hate. Even worse, just as we sometimes see, hate can be a great unifier for people. It can be a unifier that is, until it destroys and, make no mistake, it does destroy. Hate always needs something to consume.

Sure, it will destroy your identified target at first. Only, it doesn’t stop there. Hate is a scourge. It destroys everything. Eventually, it will even destroy itself.

Those, united by hate, will hate each other when nobody else is left.

Love on the other hand is different. Love saves. Love provides life. As a Christian specifically, and as a person of faith more broadly, I believe in this message.

This is what I find so troubling about people who use religion as an instrument of hate.

Since I’m a Jesus follower, I will speak directly to those who claim my faith tradition. It may be a universal truth, but I have a special responsibility to speak to my people. It’s also what I see most often in the world directly outside my font door.

If your use faith as a tool for hate, you are doing it wrong.

Put another way, you can’t rightfully claim to be a Christian while also supporting people and systems of hate and exclusion without being wrong.

As I wrote on social media,

“It would be nice if power hungry, exclusionist, patriarchal, lock up children, people of color, the disabled, and others Christians gave more consideration to the upside down and interdependent nature of the biblical narrative instead of using it as a tool for hate.” (1Corinthians 12:21-27, Matthew 5:1-12)

Love seeks justice.
Love uplifts.
Love supports.
Love sustains.
Love always expands to include people on the margins.

Love takes the force of power and hate and turns it upside down. That’s the message of Jesus.

Furthermore, yes, Love will win but we also are charged with living it into our world today. (1 Corinthians 13, Luke 10:25-37)

Maybe you still want to hate and exclude but, you can’t claim to be a Christian while doing it.

Peace Love and Acceptance

What Side Are You On?

What Side Are You On?

“Social Justice Warriors”
Millions of social justice warriors
Throughout history
Exact numbers unknown
Working to end oppression
Fighting for inclusion
Not just for some but for all
Each our own way
Our own path
Our own focus
Yet, united, we stand, stroll, or roll
Eclectic bodies
Equipped for the fight
Uniquely collected
Like a patchwork quilt
Sewn together
Combined to change the world
A protective cover
To shield in spells of darkness
Each as we come
Ongoing
Unable to be stopped
For even if some are ripped away
Others, stitched in
Become part of this grand fabric
Our aggregate coat of arms
For millions of social justice warriors.

Gandhi - 5-27-2019

Have you ever noticed that bullies who are so critical of anything remotely inclusive never really bring anything to the table besides anger and hostility?

I get so tired of these detractors, who would do nothing except tear apart, acting as critics for those of us who seek kindness and inclusion. I can hear it now, “Snowflake,” or some other bullshit-speak while they are truly the ones most sensitive about any kind of questioning.

Seriously, suggest even for a second that they ought to rethink their stance and they’ll wail like petulant children. They go on the offensive. “Snowflake! Lock her/him up!” and so on. Just a week ago, I heard somebody gleefully declare that soon we inclusives will be locked up for any kind of dissent. “What are you afraid of?” I attempted to ask but even this small questioning act of mine was quickly shouted down.

Maybe they’re right too. We live in pretty dangerous times. I have no doubt some voices will be silenced along the way. This has always been true.

Yet, as difficult and scary as this is, I have hope. Hope that Love is bigger. My voice will no doubt be stilled, either by action or natural order, but the same cannot be said of Love. They’ve tried for thousands of years. It hasn’t happened yet. It won’t happen.

Gandhi - Love

In the words of Gandhi,

“When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love has always won. There have been tyrants and murderers and for a time they seem invincible but, in the end, they always fall – think of it – always.”

Besides, I’ll gladly enter into rest with Love rather than sit silently with oppression any day. I’m a Love proclaimer

Thank you to those who resist with me. I’m grateful to call you sisters and brothers.

For those who find comfort in complacency I ask, “What are you waiting for?” They’ll come for you tomorrow even if you’re silent today. Oppression always need an enemy. There is no safe end in silence.

To those of you who choose the path that keeps others out, what part of Love don’t you understand? Especially if, like me, you claim to follow that Jesus guy.

I look forward to your response.

Wherever you are this day, I hope you’ll join me in reflection on these words of love as we share this part of our journey together and remember, wherever you find yourself, in the realm of justice and love,

“Love accepts you, no exceptions.”

Peace Love and Acceptance

Nighttime: Are You As Tired As Me?

Nighttime: Are You As Tired As Me?

I’ve been in a funk lately. I hope to share more about this on Monday but, for now, I’m just tired. I want to sleep. To be embraced by the night; a time ironically when I often find myself awake. Still, there’s something comforting about the night, awake or asleep, that sometimes seems so elusive for me during the day. Acceptance – Even when you’re tired – I wrote a little about it.

Let me know what you think.

scenic view of forest during night time
Photo by Hristo Fidanov on Pexels.com

“Nighttime”
Morning
Quiet time
You speak of it softly
A time when mysteries unlocked find their place among the awake, the alert, the early risers
“Try it,” I’m told, this thing of beauty
Try rising with the light of day and be transformed
And, I’d like to find this space, this new morning life, I really would – This time of glory
It’s just that it comes so early
Early, not easy in this restricted body though, in truth, it’s never been easy – Even in my nimbler days
I much prefer the night
Its cast of characters, its shadows unlocking truths not so easily revealed in the daytime sun
Sure, this morning of which you speak seems a lovely sort, a perfectly fine fellow, I might even meet someone new who, until now, I’ve only known in passing
But, the night greets me like an old friend – the kind of friend not too warm or too friendly – and yet she is
She’s the kind of friend, we are the kind of friends, you meet, and you know, with a kind of understood silence
A silence that says, “Be who you are, we are in this together.”
So, I take my place, embraced by night, alongside the other daytime outcasts. The broken, the hurting, the misunderstood
Together we move through the darkness, though, it’s brighter than you think
Each of us helping the other find our way – Perfection not required, our scars not readily apparent as the would be at other times
Yet, even if they were, these scars more visible, it would be ok
This peaceful cover is provided for my comfort, for the night has accepted me long ago, just as I am, faults and all
The same is true of my people
In fact, we are the broken-unified as we journey together
Therein lies the beauty
Our salvation is found in the now
We are not told to come back at some ungodly hour
We are met right where we are, and we are loved
So, keep your morning sun-squinted eyes
Mine are more likely to be closed just then
And, it’s ok to be different
I mean, “Hi, my name is Chris and I’m a night person”
Besides, I wish you well
I’m just following the night
If God is everywhere, after all, God is there too
Finding me, loving me, loving each – Even long after most have gone to bed
This is my nighttime
This is my life

Wherever you are this day, I hope you’ll join me in reflection as we share this part of our journey together and remember night or day, in the realm of justice and love,

“Love accepts you, no exceptions.”

Peace Love and Acceptance

 

Transformation on a Damascus Road

“Transformation on a Damascus Road”
Transformation on a Damascus Road
I’ve heard anecdotes it’s true
Some might say that’s long ago
Except, it could happen to me or you
I hope I’m on the side that gives
Blessings so that others live
Make it more than allegory
Arrival, is the point to take
Lord, hear these heartfelt words I pray
Transform me in your glory
Demascus

I’m always fascinated the story of the Apostle Paul’s transformation on the Damascus road. (Acts 9:1-20)

He was out persecuting people for believing differently than him. This feels all too real to me today. Love calls us to do better. A lot better. But, before I look at the actions of others, I feel compelled to look at myself. I have shut the door of love on others more times than I care to admit.

Except, I think that’s the point.

God can use me whether I’m the one being called away from the error my ways, like Paul, or being used as the vessel through which restoration happens like Ananias. I just have to be willing.

Look at the story. Paul is admonished and healed. (Yes, I know admonished is an understatement!) Ananias is called to go forward even with fear. Both men are transformed.

This is good news!

So, where do you need transformation today?

Do you need to move beyond fear to go forward?

Do you need to make changes?

Either is possible with love.

Ultimately, the question becomes, “Are you willing?”

Let me know what you think about all this. I look forward to your comments.

Wherever you are this day, I hope you’ll join me in reflection as we share this part of our journey together and remember, in the realm of justice and love,

“Love accepts you, no exceptions.”
Peace Love and Acceptance

Notes:
Link to Acts 9:1-20
https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Acts+9%3A1-20&version=NIV